Nothing left to do but die
It has taken 3 days to type this, I can't concentrate for long and can't be bothered to correct.
I suffer from crippling depression And anxiety. I also have problems walking and standing unaided because of a spinal issue.
I rarely leave my home and spend most of my time in bed or in front of a Telly. I have lost contact with friends as I just want to be left alone
I haven't been paid any benefit since mid February when my ESA was stopped.
The reason they stopped it was because I didn't attend my medical assessment at Atos. This was because I never received my notification.
I am no longer at the address it was sent to, but when I lived there, mail could be very sporadic because mine and others on the street, would be sometimes delivered to different flats and houses on the street.
I appealed their decision but was refused twice and later told, they were not appeals, but reconsideration, even though I filled out a GL24 form.
I have reached the point that some days I feel life is no longer worth living. I was evicted 3 Weeks ago and currently living in a mice infested squat because I didn't want to be parted with my dog.
If it wasn't for my pensioner mother, I don't know how I would have survived. She has helped me out with small amounts of money here and there, but it is not fair on her as she is also in bad health.
After several months I tried to apply for job seekers but was met by a very unhelpful and spiteful bitch called Saba who works at the Dalston Job Centre. I'm sorry, but after that woman did to me, it's the first word that comes to mind.
From the first meeting she showed no interest and didn't even look at me when I was in front of her.
Things came to a head when I attended Dalston Job centre for my first sign on. Saba was unfriendly, barked at me. I told her I was unable to look for the required 8 jobs and only managed a few, because of my dire state of mind. I was on the verge of being evicted, suffering depression so bad that I spent most of the day with a duvet over my me. Compounded with arthritis and a bulging disc in my back, I was lower than low. Even standing at the kitchen sink was an ordeal. My only relief is when I'm lying down.
Saba reluctantly decided I would be paid, but scolded me like a child and told me to show up with proof of 8 jobs I had sought next sign on
She got me to sign something and when I handed the pen back to her, she claimed I threw it at her. In fact it dropped from my hand as I have problems holding on to things, even a phone because my fingers are numb most of the time and feel like pins and needles.
She told me my JSA was being stopped because I threw a pen at her. I insisted on seeing her manager (she refused at first but I insisted). Her manager who overheard everything told me he had called her aside and spoke with her even before I requested to speak to him.
After two Weeks on JSA it was decided by my doctor I not try to work.
That is when the nightmare got worse.
How long am I supposed to live like this? I can't handle the stress of calling DWP, I can't handle the abuse from them, I can't handle sleeping on a mattress in a mice infested squat. I don't think I have enough pills left to take my life and not enough on my oyster card to get into my nearest tube station to jump infront of a train. The easiest thing is to walk in front of a bus on Kigslad High Rd nr the job centre What more do they want from me? My doctor has written a letter to them but that is not enough.
To our current government, Dwp, the staff at Hackney and Dalston job centre. My blood will be on your hands when I summon up the courage to leave this world.
I can't just blame them for everything, my problems began long before my dealings with Dwp. It hurts to be awake. I just want to sleep and never wake up.
It has taken 3 days to type this, I can't concentrate for long and can't be bothered to correct.
I rarely leave my home and spend most of my time in bed or infront of a Telly. I have lost contact with friends as I have nothig to share
I'm out of money, can't pay for my mobile phone bill and can no longer pay for top up for mobile broadband, basics like personal hygiene and food
I don't want to be a burden to my mother anymore and cannot bare the thought of asking her for more money.
I suffer from crippling depression And anxiety. I also have problems walking and standing unaided because of a spinal issue.
I rarely leave my home and spend most of my time in bed or in front of a Telly. I have lost contact with friends as I just want to be left alone
I haven't been paid any benefit since mid February when my ESA was stopped.
The reason they stopped it was because I didn't attend my medical assessment at Atos. This was because I never received my notification.
I am no longer at the address it was sent to, but when I lived there, mail could be very sporadic because mine and others on the street, would be sometimes delivered to different flats and houses on the street.
I appealed their decision but was refused twice and later told, they were not appeals, but reconsideration, even though I filled out a GL24 form.
I have reached the point that some days I feel life is no longer worth living. I was evicted 3 Weeks ago and currently living in a mice infested squat because I didn't want to be parted with my dog.
If it wasn't for my pensioner mother, I don't know how I would have survived. She has helped me out with small amounts of money here and there, but it is not fair on her as she is also in bad health.
After several months I tried to apply for job seekers but was met by a very unhelpful and spiteful bitch called Saba who works at the Dalston Job Centre. I'm sorry, but after that woman did to me, it's the first word that comes to mind.
From the first meeting she showed no interest and didn't even look at me when I was in front of her.
Things came to a head when I attended Dalston Job centre for my first sign on. Saba was unfriendly, barked at me. I told her I was unable to look for the required 8 jobs and only managed a few, because of my dire state of mind. I was on the verge of being evicted, suffering depression so bad that I spent most of the day with a duvet over my me. Compounded with arthritis and a bulging disc in my back, I was lower than low. Even standing at the kitchen sink was an ordeal. My only relief is when I'm lying down.
Saba reluctantly decided I would be paid, but scolded me like a child and told me to show up with proof of 8 jobs I had sought next sign on
She got me to sign something and when I handed the pen back to her, she claimed I threw it at her. In fact it dropped from my hand as I have problems holding on to things, even a phone because my fingers are numb most of the time and feel like pins and needles.
She told me my JSA was being stopped because I threw a pen at her. I insisted on seeing her manager (she refused at first but I insisted). Her manager who overheard everything told me he had called her aside and spoke with her even before I requested to speak to him.
After two Weeks on JSA it was decided by my doctor I not try to work.
That is when the nightmare got worse.
How long am I supposed to live like this? I can't handle the stress of calling DWP, I can't handle the abuse from them, I can't handle sleeping on a mattress in a mice infested squat. I don't think I have enough pills left to take my life and not enough on my oyster card to get into my nearest tube station to jump infront of a train. The easiest thing is to walk in front of a bus on Kigslad High Rd nr the job centre What more do they want from me? My doctor has written a letter to them but that is not enough.
To our current government, Dwp, the staff at Hackney and Dalston job centre. My blood will be on your hands when I summon up the courage to leave this world.
I can't just blame them for everything, my problems began long before my dealings with Dwp. It hurts to be awake. I just want to sleep and never wake up.
It has taken 3 days to type this, I can't concentrate for long and can't be bothered to correct.
I rarely leave my home and spend most of my time in bed or infront of a Telly. I have lost contact with friends as I have nothig to share
I'm out of money, can't pay for my mobile phone bill and can no longer pay for top up for mobile broadband, basics like personal hygiene and food
I don't want to be a burden to my mother anymore and cannot bare the thought of asking her for more money.
The following people helped drive me over the edge
Dalston job centre, Hackney Job Centre, Francine (mare street jc) who was so cold and told me to kill myself if that's what I felt like doing , some woman called Begonia (mare st jc) who spoke very bad English and refused to give me her name yesterday and this morning, Jenny (mare st jct) who was rude some months ago and hung up when all I did was ask her a question.You are employed to help people not degrade them.
Rob on the Ajax Team at Mare St thanks for being very decent. Same goes to Delores at Dalston Job centre for being very patient and taking time out.
